Ah, so sleepy, every bit of him is penetrating with exhaustion, he never think of filming a drama will be this hard, this is much tiring than preparing the concert. He now has full respect to the actor Sunbaes from the bottom of his heart.
12 episodes are already broadcasted, this is close to half of all; that’s mean the filming is getting tighter and tighter.
He is constantly reminding himself he has to keep up with the pace, he must keep up with the filming.
Not only him, but also the whole crews are trying hard to support their weary bodies.
Between the filming, during their break time, he overheard the conversation between Kim Joon and Kim Bum. Although he is so sleepy and everything is so blurry, he dimly hearing terms like “Valentine’s”, “Chocolate”.
He takes a look on the date, tomorrow will be Valentine’s Day, and he almost unwittingly misses it.
She came across his mind and reminded him of seeing her not long ago, in Yunho’s and JaeJoong’s party.
At the time JaeJoong called to invite him, he was not planning to attend. He told JaeJoong as well, and he said he could understand.
Afterward, he suddenly evoked that she certainly will be invited too, messaged her asking her about this, and she gave him the affirmative answer. The urge to see her was getting stronger and stronger, he made a request to the director asking to film his part earlier, after his filming ended at around 10:30pm, he went directly to the club.
JaeJoong was very surprised seeing him at the entrance, he walked towards him at once.
“Aren’t you said you couldn’t make it?” JaeJoong asked him.
“The filming ended smoothly and early, so I got some time to come over.” He answered to JaeJoong’s question, and started to look for her, she should arrive already.
Ai, she’s there, sitting between Yunho and Hyung Joon, seemed like she saw him too.
He turned back to JaeJoong, “A lot of people came.”
“Yep, I didn’t expect that many people would show up, most of them are invited by Yunho, he is well known to have good relationship with a lot of people.” JaeJoong said.
Yunho came over too, and he pated on his shoulder to say ‘hi’.
Yunho said he will arrange the seat for him, and wanting to bring him over, but he said that’s okay, he would like to say ‘hi’ to Sunbaes first.
At the time he wanted to go around, Hyung Joon ran towards him,
“Hyung, how would you have time to come?”
He nodded slightly, and just answered him with “Oi”
“Hyung, I need to tell you this.” Hyung Joon came closer and whispered to him,
He couldn’t help taking a quick glance at her, “Arasho.”
After he walked around saying ‘hi’ to all Sunbaes, he came to her desk, and it happened that she’s alone by herself, smiled a little, he sat directly next to her.
There’s no need for Yunho to arrange the seat for him, here would be the seat he took.
Taking a look at her, Ivory color short dress, white short boots, his gaze fell onto the earrings that Hyung Joon had mentioned, pale yellow flower shaped crystal earrings, he couldn’t deny that those earrings matched well to her dress and boots.
She also asked how would he had time to come, and he told her the answer that he repeated numerous times.
She then asked what time his schedule would be for tomorrow, this was the new question haven’t been asked before, no one asked this except her, and he honestly told her his schedule.
His answer made her sighed with surprise, and grumbling on why he’s not taking more rest instead.
Hearing her “Nagging”, his smile widened slowly.
The thing that he found the most bothersome before is the thing he is addicted now. And he always wanted to do something, just to hear her “Nagging” again.
While he’s still enjoying her “Nagging”, she stopped talking; following her sight, he saw her and Yunho smiling at each other.
His heart suddenly fluttered and he burst out, “Aren’t you cold?”
This was really not his intention, the dress she wore today was short, but it was within his acceptable range, he didn’t know why he burst out what he said.
Successfully pulled back her attention, all he could do now is to force himself to continue, “It’s minus 10C degree today, and you’re still wearing this short.”
She seems annoyed with his words and ignoring him, and he didn’t say anything, but just to look at her.
He didn’t know since when, he started aware of the possessiveness he had on her. This possessiveness is so intense that sometimes he got frighten himself. He didn’t want anyone to share her beauty, her warm smile.
More and more people recognized and admired her warmth and beauty that made him feeling more and more insecure and unsure. What should he do now?
She suddenly turned, and their gaze entangled intensively.
He looked deep into her eyes, trying hard to find something in her eyes that could relieve his worry and insecurity.
When he thought he almost caught that ‘something’, Yunho interrupted.
‘Sh*t’ that’s the word he shouted in his mind, Yunho really chose the right timing, he couldn’t know when such opportunity would be shown up next time.
Yunho congratulated him on his success in the drama, and he wished Yunho in advance on the success of their upcoming album.
In front of her, Yunho didn’t want to reveal more of his emotion, and he didn’t want him to reveal either.
He knew Yunho for so many years, although not as close as JaeJoong, they were considered a very familiar friend to each other, he never thought of something like this would happen between them.
Afterwards, JunJin Sunbae arrived.
He knew her close relationship with JunJin Sunbae, treating JunJin politer than usual.
He could feel the continuous glance from JunJin Sunbae, seems like he’s constantly observing and evaluating him, did she mention anything to him?
She got up and went to the washroom,
JunJin suddenly said, “I may not entitle to ask you about this, but I want to hear from you, maybe you could tell me your thought?”
He is the best friend she goes to whenever she got doubts and worries wanting to seek advice from, how would he not qualify.
Sitting straight and sincere, he said, “JunJin Hyung, please don’t say that …… I want to pursue till the end, don’t want to give up.” He emphasized in all his sincerity.
“Even if this brings suffering and disturbance to her, and you still won’t give up?” JunJin asked.
HJ thought for a moment, “I will put in all my effort, try not to make her suffered.”
“How would you know your efforts would not make her suffering worse?” JunJin said sharply.
JunJin’s question is very strict and direct, he’s a bit nervous, but he’s still going to speak his mind.
“To be honest, I still don’t know yet …… Right now what I could do is training myself to be stronger, be a stronger man, strong enough to protect her”
He said and looked at JunJin, JunJin’s looking deep in his eyes too.
Silence for a while,
“I appreciate your confident and determination, but for now, I couldn’t make myself believe yet.” JunJin said after the silence.
“I understand, I have to prove myself by my own action.” HJ said.
“Besides, to get her approval is not that easy.” JunJin said.
“I know, and I am well prepared mentally and emotionally …… JunJin Hyung, are you saying that you are not going to oppose?”
JunJin crossed his arms in his chest, staring at HJ, considering for a while. At last he said,
“No, I can’t say that yet.”
She happened to come back at this time, the conversation with JunJin ended abruptly.
He didn’t want her to know what they talked about in their conversation, JunJin got the same thought.
Before JunJin left the table, he patted on Hyun Joong’s shoulder, and said, “I will watch”, this for him is an encouragement from JunJin.
In this somewhat an hour or so time, in this party, he experience all different kind of emotions, that he couldn’t explain in words, but he earned a lot as well. The fact that she would talk to JunJin about the things happened between them, meant it is true that he made her puzzled and perplexed, and it is true that she is not feeling nothing, isn’t it?
Tomorrow is Valentines’ Day, he doesn’t think he would receive her present in this particular date this year, but he still wish that she would think of him in this date.
Sending a message to her, “Could I look forward to receive your present and chocolate tomorrow?”
He only got a reply from her after a long wait, “Nope”
Seeing this word, he starts to laugh, this matches her personality, really straightforward.
The next day, on Valentines’ Day, he asks Hyung Joon to pass her the present he prepared earlier.
There’s a card came with the present, he wrote:
“I prepared my present early, if you could not accept this, please let me know on the white day1.
From Hyun Joong”
____________________
End note:
1 White Day - March 14, one month after Valentines' Day, among Asia countries like Japan, Korea and Taiwan would celebrate this date. Valentine's Day is observed by females who present chocolate gifts (either store-bought or handmade), usually to a male, as an expression of love. On White Day, the converse happens: males who received "chocolate of love" on Valentine's Day are expected to return the favor by giving gifts, usually more expensive. Traditionally, popular White Day gifts are cookies, jewellery, white chocolate, and marshmallows. (Credit to Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
Chapter 29
Receiving a call from Yunho, wanting to call him out for a drink, HJ knows this is coming, but doesn’t expect to be this soon.
HJ takes a look on his schedule, he could squeeze in some spare time tomorrow night, he confirms with Yunho the time and place to meet tomorrow night.
He arrived at the club after his filming, Yunho already arrived waiting for him.
HJ takes off his jacket asks, “Waiting for long?”
“No, just arrived.” Yunho replied.
HJ just sat down, and Yunho starts to fill HJ’s glass with the amber liquor right away, HJ takes a look at Yunho.
“I heard that most of the schedules you guys have are in Japan, how would you have time to come back?” HJ asked.
“We came back for poster shooting.” Yunho smiles a bit, answered.
“Oi” HJ sipped a mouthful.
“You probably really tired?” Yunho asked.
“Still ok, I could bear with it.” HJ said.
Toasting to Yunho, “How would we start drinking?”
“Anyhow is fine for me.” Yunho said.
Hearing what Yunho said, HJ bottoms up the whole glass, Yunho saw HJ bottomed up his glass, he did the same as well.
“This is the first time the two of us drinking alone.” Yunho smiled at HJ said.
HJ nods, and fills up their glasses again.
Bottoms up……
Yunho is quietly bottoming up his glass too.
While HJ is filling up their glasses, he takes a look at Yunho, and finds Yunho is staring at his glass looks preoccupied.
HJ does not want to start the conversation, and seems like Yunho does not want to either.
They are just continuously filling up their glasses and toss off; filling up again and toss off again …….
At last, Yunho breaks the silence,
“I am envious of you.” Yunho looks up and stares at HJ.
“No, that’s not truthful to my feeling, I am in fact jealous.” Yunho said.
HJ nods, in some extents, this is true and he agreed with Yunho.
That kind of emotion, he understands ……
HJ fills up Yunho’s glass again.
“Actually, I supposedly gave up on her two years ago, but ……” Yunho picks up his glass, takes a big sip, the burning feeling from the hard liquor made him choked, and he coughs a bit to ease his discomfort.
HJ quietly listens …….
“Why? …… I was only unable to hold my feelings and showed my slight confession towards her in the show, but this caused her a lot of hardship and she got a lot of antis just because of me. Why? Why you could pretend to be her husband for that long, and still gained so much supports?”
Yunho finishes up his glass of liquor in one shot.
HJ does not say anything, he just kept helping Yunho to fill up his glass with the amber liquor.
“Why? …… We are in the same age, I could not go beyond the boundary of being a Dongsaeng, why you could be able to?”
Yunho finishes up his liquor in one shot again, frustratingly combed back his hair with his fingers.
This is the first time HJ sees Yunho behaved like this, he makes a deep sigh, and finishes up his glass of liquor in one shot as well.
“I met her much earlier than you, I know and understand her much better than you, why ……” Yunho leans himself down the sofa and tilts his head up, and his voice is getting softer and softer.
Looking at Yunho, strangely, HJ does not feel uneasy listening what Yunho said to him, instead, he flutters with pity.
Yunho remains in his pose and continuous says softly, likes soliloquize,
“When I was still in my trainee days, on a raining day, I forgot to bring my umbrella. I stood in front of the training studio thinking how I’m going to get back to the dorm, at the time I started to run in the rain, she came and patted on my shoulder, brought her umbrella over to cover me from the rain, I looked back ......, I could never forget, that moment, that sparkling moment, she twinkled with warm brilliance ……”
“In her eyes, I am her close Dongseng …… I couldn’t give up, but I don’t know how to put in my effort, I’m afraid …… afraid I would even lost this relation.”
“I really don’t know why I have to tell you these ……” Yunho sits up, looks at HJ smiles bitterly.
“No problem, I understand ……” HJ takes a look at Yunho said,
These words probably hold back in Yunho’s heart for so long,
Someone who could understand all the feelings in Yunho's heart, at this very moment, there’s no one other than HJ.
“Even if I don’t have a chance, that doesn’t mean that you …… you …… could bring her happiness.”
Drinking too fast just now, Yunho starts to feel the power of the alcohol.
“All right, let’s drink.” What HJ could do is to help filling up their glasses.
They drink a lot, Yunho already got drunk, at last he needs to call JaeJoong to bring Yunho back.
Watching JaeJoong drove off slowly, HJ whispers in low voice that only he could hear,
“All I could do is to continue my way, otherwise I would not even have the kind of relation you got.”
HJ gets back to the dorm, he feels the flaming pain in his stomach, and couldn’t sleep because of the pain.
The next morning, during the filming, suddenly he feels everything spinning around him, then everything turns black, and he passed out.
Credits:
只想戒毒, from Chinese Ssangchu Baidu Island
Additional information from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
© [只想戒毒 & ydwlai] 2009. All rights reserved. Distribution of any kind is prohibited without the written consent of [只想戒毒 & ydwlai].
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